On my last post, Atlanta Kane wrote:
It really isn’t realistic to pretend that being fat is ok. You might not be as fat as some, but why is it an issue you feel a need to blog about if it is such a trivial thing? Do you really think that every person who doesn’t find fat to be appealing is lacking in character? Do you really think that most fat people are far from honest about their weight? The troll might not be very polite, but some of his points are valid, most fat people do tend to blame anything but themselves for their weight, then, although they don’t like it themselves, object to others who don’t like it either. Why is it such an issue in the media? Are they all trolls too? Why are medical insurance premiums increasing? You are doing the same thing, hiding from reality and blaming others for your failings. If you are having so much difficulty losing weight, try praying for a change. God will help you build the resolve to stick to a diet and keep up exercise. When was the last time you went to church? It is a funny thing, but not many really fat people attend church, maybe there is a lesson in that. Think about it. Atlanta
I started to respond in a comment, but my response got long, and so many of the things she brought up deserved to be addressed, that I thought I would take it up a notch.
AK isn’t really a troll. She’s sort of a troll, but not full-fledged. She’s not nearly as obnoxious as some, and she strikes me as genuinely concerned and not just evil. She’s a troll-let.
First of all, no one in the FA movement is pretending anything. Fat IS OK, just like short is ok, tall is ok, blonde is ok…do I need to go on? That opinion isn’t coming off the top of our heads, it’s based on thought and research and study and analysis. It’s obviously not a super-popular viewpoint, and it’s not the kind of thing one just picks up off the street.
I’m not sure what she means by “as fat as some” — I’m not as fat as some people, I am fatter than others. So is every other person in the whole world.
Fat acceptance is not trivial at all, because there are people out there who believe strongly that fat is so un-ok that they think fat people deserve to be maligned, mistreated, abused, and discriminated against. That is why I write about FA — because injustice pisses me off. I get just as ticked off about other injustices, and I fight some of those in other ways. I choose to blog about FA because it is pretty dear to my heart, since it is the form of hatred I have most often experienced.
Someone’s personal preferences are not generally a matter of character. I am not particularly attracted to blond guys, and that is not a reflection on whether I am a good person. What is is if I start saying “OMG blond people are disgusting and stupid and they don’t deserve to be treated like human beings” and insisting everyone else share my preference, that is reflective of my lack of character.
KA is right, there are lots of fat people out there who hate themselves, and I will tell you a secret — it’s because we have been told to our whole lives. Women who grow up in highly misogynistic cultures often believe they are worthless, because that is how they have been taught. Children of abusive parents grow up to marry abusers because they think, on some level, that they deserve to be abused. It is exceptionally difficult for people to move beyond the heart lessons they learn from their families and the culture around them.
I hate to burst your bubble, but the vast majority of fat people do blame themselves for their weight, even if they find out there is a definable medical reason for it. Once again, it is the power of long-term messages — we are all told, over and over and over, ad nauseum, that all it takes to lose weight is hard work and willpower. The truth is, it is the rare fat person who hasn’t tried over and over to lose weight. Many fat people have self-control that would make a monk envious.
Why is it such an issue in the media? Well, call me a conspiracy theorist, but I would say it is because there is a 50-billion dollar per year juggernaut determined to keep obesity panic going, never mind the costs to people’s dignity and health. Medical insurance premiums are increasing because of the increasingly litigious culture we live in and the rising prices of pharmaceuticals. Blaming a major economic change on one group of people is exceptionally short-sighted and simplistic.
I hate to burst your bubble again, but I am far from hiding from reality. I look at myself every day in the mirror. I buy my clothes, so I know what size I wear. I work out, so I know exactly how far I can run, how long I can pushmow without taking a break, the ache in my arms after a 90 minute dance class, and how much weight I can lift. I buy my food, so I know how much I eat. I am not blaming anyone for anything except their own ignorance and asshattery.
The biggest difference between me and KA? I don’t think being fat is a failure, because I don’t think being thin is something to achieve. I was once told that depression happens when you choose to make a goal out of something you can’t control. There are lots of goals that can be achieved — running a certain distance, learning to cook, getting a degree — but being thin isn’t a good goal, since the majority of body composition is determined by genetics.
I’m not having difficulty losing weight, because I am not trying. I am trying to learn to accept myself, and love myself, and push past the barriers that my culture has set up that tell me I do not deserve to live a full life because of my body. It is a difficult road, but worthwhile.
It’s really the last bit of the comment that made me give it its own post; that God-and-fat connection that is so ubiquitous in some circles. There’s a story in the Gospels about a blind man Jesus healed. The disciples asked Him who sinned, the man or his parents. That question seems strange to us now, because we know the medical reasons behind blindness, but in first century Judea, it was assumed that if you were poor or diseased, you must have done something to make God angry. That’s why the Beatitudes were so revolutionary — Jesus was saying that the people deemed “unblessable” by the culture of the time were blessed by God. There is more than a bit of that kind of judgement in this last statement — fat people must not be good Christians, or they would not be fat. I question how many churches KA has been to, and how much time she has spent looking for “really” fat people. I attend a church with a congregation of about 700, which is not a mega church but still pretty big, and the distribution of fat people there is pretty typical of the demographic of people who attend. It’s sad that Christians can be the most judgmental and misogynistic people, and they do it all thinking they are speaking for God.
I have not gone longer than three weeks without going to church since I was born. I went to a Christian college. I spent about 20 years praying for God to help me be thin, but instead he chose to heal me of the sin of self-hatred that had consumed me all that time, and I sincerely believe he led me to the FA movement. I think His way was better.
And KA, FYI, as of this minute, it has been 43 hours, 32 minutes since I was in church.
