sub rosa \suhb-ROH-zuh\, adverb:
1. Secretly; privately; confidentially.
adjective:
1. Designed to be secret or confidential; secretive; private.
If, ten years ago, someone had told me I would part of something called the Fat Acceptance Movement, I would have laughed in his face
If someone had told me the same thing five years ago, after my “successful” stint with Atkins and my subsequent regain of twice what I’d lost, I probably would have cried
Now I am proud.
I am proud of all the activism, and the work that people are doing all over the world to improve the quality of life for fat people on a grand scale. There are people working for (or against) legislation, people working to educate the public and professionals who work with fat people. There are those combating the misinformation and hate disseminated by the diet industry.
Despite all that grandiose work, the people I am most proud of are the ones who, day by day, fight a quiet battle. The people who live out HAES, whether they talk about it or not. The mothers who work to teach their kids to accept their bodies and the bodies of others. The people who say no to the office biggest loser game and eat lunch in the face of all the people being “good” and eating rice cakes. All of us, in a myriad of tiny ways, working to better the world for people of every size.
I am so proud of us.
I’m trying to not live sub rosa and pretend that I have always been a size eight, when so many days that would just be easier. The role of “normal weight” (i.e. pretty thin), fat acceptance/HAES advocate with an eating disorder is rather strange sometimes. It also leads to a lot of disconnects, like people telling me not only how good I look but that I’m their inspiration for weight loss, and my having to explain that even though I have trouble making myself eat, I don’t believe in dieting, and it’s not exactly inspirational that I fight with myself every afternoon and evening to eat the damn meal. Unless they too have anorexia or ED-NOS and want to be inspired by the fact that most days I do manage to eat breakfast and at least one of the other two meals, but that’s not what anyone means when they praise me with the exception of perhaps my nutritionist.
I am proud of us too! We rock!
If you’d told me something similar 10 years ago, I’d have laughed too – after all, fat is EVIL!
I’m still coming to terms with my body. I’m still working to overcome the compulsive eating…but at least I’m on the right track and not constantly obsessing over dieting.
Yay us!!!!