cavil \KAV-uhl\, intransitive verb:
1. To raise trivial or frivolous objections; to find fault without good reason.
transitive verb:
1. To raise trivial objections to.
noun:
1. A trivial or frivolous objection.
I love my bellydance class.
I LOVE my bellydance class.
A new class started this week, and some of the new women make me sad. Not because they are struggling with the dancing, goodness knows we all do that, but because of the comments I heard them making about their own bodies, the constant self-criticisms that were uttered in a class which, to me, should be a safe place. Bellydance is a form that glorifies the womanly body, how we move and shake and all the wonders we can do. It is a wonderfully body-positive art. So to hear those women making such comments about themselves felt like a violation of some sacred trust.
I don’t understand this need we as women have to tear our bodies down. I compliment a friend’s outfit and in response she point out how big she thinks her hips look in it, or how she had to buy it because she didn’t have other clothes that fit, or how it looked so much better 5 pounds ago, or, or, or, or ad nauseum. I read blogs of friends who are beautiful, accomplished, intelligent women and they make comments about how “ugly” their bodies are. I condemn myself along with everyone else — I am just as guilty of this particular self-destruction.
I am saddened by this behavior, and angry too, that women feel so compelled to hate their bodies and broadcast that hate to the world, as if self-hatred were a virtue and we were all seeking its reward. It’s so very sad.
Today’s word is so completely me. haha I used to do this constantly, and I’m workin on it.
I’m so intrigued by your bellydance class! That sounds like it would be way too much fun!
I love love loved my bellydance classes! And one of the things I loved most was on the first day of the first class the owner of the studio did this whole little speech about how it’s a form of dance for all bodies, and that no one is to use her mirrors to critique anything but their positioning and movement. When I get my business open and my schedule settles I am absolutely going back!
Somebody gets the e-mail word of the day! This is the second time word has come up in my blog readings recently. The other one was a Battlestar Galactica blog- one of the evil robots (Cylons) is named Cavil. I’m not sure why I felt I had to mention it besides the fact that I love BSG and the fatosphere!
In a more helpful vein, is this something that the class talks about? Perhaps at the beginning of every new class this should be a topic of discussion. Do you teach or are you a student? Either way I think you could perhaps help set some boundaries about what this class is- a place to love the beauty and movement of your body! And what it’s not- a place to put yourself down.
Laura, I’m glad I’m not the only person whose first thought was Brother Cavil! LOL!
Topic: I have no answers, but it certainly does drive me up a tree when I compliment someone only to hear why that compliment shouldn’t be taken seriously. No, really. If I tell you I think you look good/have on a pretty outfit/move beautifully/have brightened my day with your smile, please don’t tell me all the reasons you still suck. Just accept that someone is thinking something nice about you, and let yourself enjoy it. Don’t treat yourself or me so shabbily as to assume I’m out of my head for liking something about you.
I know you’re alive because I’ve seen photos of you elsewhere… come back!