I recently spent some time engaged in what I will politely call a discussion in the comment thread for an article in a British Magazine. The article was about a recent finding in obesity research, and the comment thread was, to quote Motormouth Maybelle, “a whole lotta ugly comin’ at you from a never-ending parade of stupid”.
Actually, it was more than that. It was raw, undiluted hate. And it made me sick.
I guess I have lived in a bubble. I am white, middle class, and college educated. I have lived a life of privilege, and I can’t pretend that it has been anything else. I have encountered my fair share of people who dislike me, and endured the same asshattery as any other person on the planet, plus I live in the South, so I have seen more than my share of racism, but I had never experienced anything quite like this.
I am not going to go into details, and I am not going to link to the article, because I would hate for any of my readers to get a concussion banging their head against their desk. I will just tell you that people said, over and over again, in a variety of words that all mean the same thing, that fat people are stupid. ALL fat people are stupid. And they are liars. ALL liars. That they are delusional, that they are lazy, that they are a plague on society. One guy said that if he ever had kids he would not allow them to play with fat kids. One guy said twice that the person who wrote the article could not be believed because “she’s on of the obese” and that no matter what one of “the obese” writes about or what she says, it is wrong. Once I actually got involved in the conversation those insults went from the general to the specific. Strangers, people who have never met me or spoken to me, told me over and over and over that I was stupid, and deluded, and lying, simply because I am fat. When it became clear that I refused to buy into their bullshit and that I was not a good little self-hating fatty, things got even more vicious. I won’t lie, I was not always pleasant myself, I can throw around some serious sarcasm when I want to. But I was responding to individual asshats — they had judged me to be inferior before I even stepped on the scene.
Hate is a strange thing. It’s so completely irrational. It is a waste of time to try to reason with it, and yet that very fact makes me want to try. I can’t understand its blindness. I can’t understand how some one can look at an individual and see only one characteristic about them and hate them for it. The ratio of adipose to muscle tissue in my body has no bearing whatsoever on my intelligence, or my ability to reason, or on my value as a human being, but to those people, it didn’t matter who I was orwhat I did, all that mattered was that particular characteristic.
I don’t regret the experience I had. It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t fun, but it was important. I learned that I am stronger and more resilient than I thought I was. I learned that what I claim to believe really is what I believe, even in the face of violent opposition. I gained some empathy for those who have to deal with this irrational hate every day, directed at skin color or sexual orientation or religion or any of the million other things people find to blindly despise. But I have to grieve a little for lost innocence. Naivete is never a good thing, but it’s loss is painful.
So thanks, all you who participated in that thread. I have taken your hate and turned it into good, and I will pray that sometime you can do the same.
I had wished I could have sent a supportive email directly to Marianne, as I suspect she didn’t realize what she would encounter. Sadly, the paper didn’t moderate that thread. That degree of hate and prejudice is born of people who are ignorant. No amount of truth will ever break through to people who hate like that — they’ve closed their minds to learning anything but what they choose to believe — you noticed, too, how they simply refused to even read or consider the information you and others were presenting, to expand or grow. That’s why I don’t have comments on my blog — been there, done that (300+ vile comments just like that a DAY). Learned the hard way that discussions are not about exchange of knowledge, science, support, friendship and ideas. Comment sections about information that challenges beliefs, ideologies and prejudices (or agendas or what someone is trying to sell) don’t help people, they give platforms for others to spout vile stuff and spread misinformation, confusion, distort information, and stop any real discussions or learning. Those ugly threads become so uncomfortable that people who might really learn and be helped by what you have to say no longer want to come. I’m sorry it was a difficult weekend for you and that dear author, but good for you for coming out stronger! But please understand that the exact same hateful reactions you saw this weekend about fat are also found just as vehemently about ANY belief or ideology.
Maybe you need a break from internet threads. Seriously. They are full of frustrated, hateful, cowardly people with issues that do not resemble most normal people. And they seem to live in a bubble world where fat people never have sex or are happy. This bubble world exists mostly in their mom’s basement. If you go to Threadworld too often, it’s like swimming in a toxic lake. Take a break and hang out with normal people for awhile to rid yourself of the poison.
I agree with Sandy. While I still allow comments on my blog, they’re heavily moderated and, I’m happy to say, I don’t have too many per post (about 1 to 3 on average).
I’m sorry you had to wade through the muck like that, but I think it’s how many of us learn that anti-obesity attitudes aren’t *really* about concern and care, or even misinformation – they’re about scapegoating and hate. They’re irrational – look at how easy it is to debunk those comments: most of them can be debunked with a simple anecdotal counter-example alone (i.e., “fat can’t be fit”).
Great post. Cheers!
Fortunately I knew what I was letting myself in for – and, believe me, as a veteran troll-basher of old, we got a relatively easy ride compared to some of the vitriol I’ve seen elsewhere. Consequently I make no apology for flinging sarcasm about with gay abandon – treating these hate-spouting pillocks with the scorn they invite and deserve is, IMO, one of life’s greatest pleasures.
Regrettably, I’m not of a scientific or mathematical bent, and consequently find reading pub med studies and analyzing stats – as you, Sandy, and many other FA bloggers do – quite tedious. But language is my bag and I relish challenging the utter bollocks these people spout in order to uphold their right to insult those who don’t embrace their shitty value system.It can be exhausting, which is why I no longer do it on a regular basis, but, if it makes you feel any better I did notice that after you inferred one of the more obnoxious offenders felt threatened, his posts degenerated from faux-reasoned arguments to “yah boo sucks, fatty, ner-niddly-ner-ner!!” shortly thereafter.
I comfort myself with the knowledge that I have, when locking horns with sizist bigots in the past, inadvertently helped to make some FA converts. If a less bigoted, more open minded person finds themselves reading that thread, (which is not beyond the bounds of possibility given that it is a Liberal Leftie newspaper), we won’t be the ones looking infantile or unreasonable.
Teaspoon by teaspoon, joyousnerd.
As buffpuff says, it’s a teaspoon by teaspoon process. Alas, the sea is large and there never seem to be enough teaspoons.
All the same, good for you for wading in with yours! I’ve done the same on threads with both more and less vitriol being tossed cavalierly about. Again, as buffpuff said, facing down prejudice with reason may not convert the whole world, but if it gets a couple people thinking and opening their minds to an alternate possibility, then we have another couple of teaspoons at our command. Eventually we’ll have enough teaspoons to do the job.
I’m glad you found the experience helpful to you as a person, too. I know how frustrating it can be. Good for you for taking away a valuable lesson into the bargain!
I thought you did really well in that whole thing, and I’m glad I’ve now found your blog so I can read it