My Improvisational Life

cavil \KAV-uhl\, intransitive verb:
1. To raise trivial or frivolous objections; to find fault without good reason.

transitive verb:
1. To raise trivial objections to.

noun:
1. A trivial or frivolous objection.

I love my bellydance class.

I LOVE my bellydance class.

A new class started this week, and some of the new women make me sad.   Not because they are struggling with the dancing, goodness knows we all do that, but because of the comments I heard them making about their own bodies, the constant self-criticisms that were uttered in a class which, to me, should be a safe place.  Bellydance is a form that glorifies the womanly body, how we move and shake and all the wonders we can do.  It is a wonderfully body-positive art.  So to hear those women making such comments about themselves felt like a violation of some sacred trust.

I don’t understand this need we as women have to tear our bodies down.  I compliment a friend’s outfit and in response she point out how big she thinks her hips look in it, or how she had to buy it because she didn’t have other clothes that fit, or how it looked so much better 5 pounds ago, or, or, or, or ad nauseum. I read blogs of friends who are beautiful, accomplished, intelligent women and they make comments about how “ugly” their bodies are.  I condemn myself along with everyone else — I am just as guilty of this particular self-destruction.

I am saddened by this behavior, and angry too, that women feel so compelled to hate their bodies and broadcast that hate to the world, as if self-hatred were a virtue and we were all seeking its reward.  It’s so very sad.

amalgam \uh-MAL-guhm\, noun:

1. An alloy of mercury with another metal or metals; used especially (with silver) as a dental filling.

2. A mixture or compound of different things.

Today is international no diet day, a celebration I had never heard of until I became involved with the FA movement. There are so many great causes out there to celebrate and support, but I sincerely believe that for the sake of people everywhere, this day,and this cause, are paramount.

I interact with hundreds of females every day, and I see how much variety there is among just those women – I can barely fathom the tremendous variation among all women around the world. It is truly sad that one of the factors that most strongly unites us is unhappiness about our bodies.

Walk up to virtually any woman and ask her about her body and you will universally receive a scowl in reply – if it isn’t her weight she is unhappy with, it is the shape of her hips or her ankles or the length of her eyelashes – it seems we lack no creativity in the scope of our self-hatred. Even worse, we criticize each other and any woman who dares accept herself, nevermind love and celebrate herself, is called a bitch, or worse.

I once asked the put forth a question in a community of women I am a part of – what would happen if tomorrow morning everyone woke up and stopped hating herself? The answers I got shocked me to the core. Most women talked about how terrible it would be – how we would all “let ourselves go” and how unhealthy we would all become, as if the end of self-hatred would mean a neverending diet of ice cream and potato chips, and none of us would ever get up off the couch, or even out of bed, according to what those women were saying. It strikes me as backwards and disturbing that so many women view self-hatred, shame, and external pressures about their opinions as a primary motivator to take care of themselves. It also disturbs me that so many women view restriction diets as “good” and giving their bodies the food they need as “bad”.

So many women, with so many strengths, and so much beauty. We could be so strong, but instead we find connected in this hatred that we all share, and it makes us weak. It is indeed a topsy-turvy world.

fustian \FUHS-chuhn\, noun:

1. A kind of coarse twilled cotton or cotton and linen stuff, including corduroy, velveteen, etc.
2. An inflated style of writing or speech; pompous or pretentious language.
3. Made of fustian.
4. Pompous; ridiculously inflated; bombastic.

I don’t understand the attitude I see in some people who successfully lose weight. Even if that success is short lived, seeing that particular goal met brings out the worst in so many, and seems to bring forth an arrogance greater than what one would see in any other accomplishment. Why is it, I wonder, that weight loss is viewed with such moral superiority when those things which actually bring improvement to society, like education, are so devalued?

sub rosa \suhb-ROH-zuh\, adverb:
1. Secretly; privately; confidentially.

adjective:
1. Designed to be secret or confidential; secretive; private.

If, ten years ago, someone had told me I would part of something called the Fat Acceptance Movement, I would have laughed in his face

If someone had told me the same thing five years ago, after my “successful” stint with Atkins and my subsequent regain of twice what I’d lost, I probably would have cried

Now I am proud.

I am proud of all the activism, and the work that people are doing all over the world to improve the quality of life for fat people on a grand scale.  There are people working for (or against) legislation, people working to educate the public and professionals who work with fat people.  There are those combating the misinformation and hate disseminated by the diet industry.

Despite all that grandiose work, the people I am most proud of are the ones who, day by day, fight a quiet battle.  The people who live out HAES, whether they talk about it or not.  The mothers who work to teach their kids to accept their bodies and the bodies of others.  The people who say no to the office biggest loser game and eat lunch in the face of all the people being “good” and eating rice cakes.   All of us, in a myriad of tiny ways, working to better the world for people of every size.

I am so proud of us.